If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
