just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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