so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Come see our sink grown plant.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
