can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
