i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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