Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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