btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
