high people should be assigned attendants
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
