R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
