dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
