if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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