I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the day after is always just damage control
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
