He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
