I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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