i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
