soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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