I wanna bring you to show and tell
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
