Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
