Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
