I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
