I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
