Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
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I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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