So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
