ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
