Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
