Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
