guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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