oh god the rape fog is back!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
