THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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