omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
