I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
