So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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