He is an equal opportunity slut.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
