Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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