he puts the penis in happiness.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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