Betty ford says i'm here all night
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
