I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
