he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
