after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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