i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
