I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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