I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize