Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
