Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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