Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
