I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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