coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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