I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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