Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
