I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
