Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She even gives head with a lisp.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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