Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
