her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
