Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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