Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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