If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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