hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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