He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
organizing the empties. That sober.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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