I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
