I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
