Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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