Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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