i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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