How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
