Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize