I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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