i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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