So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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