I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
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