If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
