she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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