so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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