What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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