nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
