You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
