promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
