I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
