and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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