I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
