whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
