When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
