hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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